Posted 28th May 2020

Do you have self-esteem?

Self-esteem.... The term is used countless times a day but most people have only a vague sense of what it means and whether they have it.

To ask for information or to arrange an appointment,
please call Kenneth Demsky, PhD on 020 7435 6116
or send an e-mail to enquiry@drkennethdemsky.co.uk

'Self-esteem' can be defined as an unshakable inner conviction of one’s lovability and worth. Confidence, by contrast, is a favourable assessment of a particular aspect of oneself: skills, appearance or personality, usually.

It is part of the birthright of every child, but in reality not everyone is so gifted. In an optimal childhood, the ingredients of self-esteem are poured into the infant, creating a solid core of positive self-beliefs that will last a lifetime, unaffected by the ups and downs of reality. When children are loved at the right time, in the right ways, by the right people, a permanent core of positive self-beliefs is implanted in them. Thus, an individual’s self-esteem is a reflection of the emotional investment of the main caregivers at a critical moment in that child’s development.

Please note that this has nothing to do with being the best, the greatest or the latest. That is not a healthy permanent self-perception for anyone. Good self-esteem simply means that we do not question whether we are worth being loved by someone or whether we are deserving of happiness. It may sound subtle, but its permanence is what makes it so important to having a good life.

Painful experiences, such romantic rejection or failed enterprise, will still hurt. Even people with positive beliefs about themselves may become depressed or anxious at such times. Having good enough self-esteem means that, although one is still subject to the “slings and arrows of outrageous fortune”, one’s core of positive self-regard remains intact. Having adequate self-esteem provides the best foundation for undertaking the journey of life, cushioning one’s positive view of oneself from the negative external events which can happen to anyone.

Posted 28th May 2020